Why did I leave him?
by narcissa007
Summary: Pansy is coming to terms with the death of her lover, but is he really dead?
1. Chapter 1

The girls stood at the top of the tower, waiting. She had been waiting in the same place ever since the war... waiting for him. But she knew he would never come back for her... he couldn't.

Pansy Parkinson looked out over the grounds of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, waiting for someone to return to her, knowing he never would. She sighed, blinking back tears, not believing what was occurring around her. Her only love, Draco Malfoy, had left not only her... but the entire world.

Draco had fought against her during unhappy times in the common room, and with her during the war, but she hadn't helped... she hadn't tried to help him, and she missed him.

XxX

"Pansy... Just run!" Draco called as he held back Fineir Greyback,

"I'm not leaving you here!" She shouted back to him, backing away from the struggling pair,

"Go Pansy!"

With Draco's last request Pansy ran, not caring what was going to happen to him, down the stairs and out towards the main gates. However she turned back when she heard Draco's shrieks of pain. She didn't know what to do... help him or save herself! She left the castle grounds, hoping to return some day and be with Draco again, but she knew that he wouldn't be there for her.

XxX

Pansy shook her head, her black hair moving with it as she attempted to remove the image that had made its way before her eyes. It was the image of that had haunted her ever since the night she had first seen it. It was the image of her love enveloped in his mother's arms, his body cold and still. This was the moment that she had realised the worst had occurred and that Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin prince and her one true love... was dead.

Tears welled up in her eyes as the image began to fade and the sound of his voice filled her ears. "Pansy... I love you Pansy... Pansy I love you," was the same declaration that she remembered, but it was so distant now and she knew she was imagining it.

XxX

"No... NO!" Pansy screamed as she rushed over to Narcissa who was holding her son, "No... It isn't true... it can't be true!" Tears fell from her eyes as she stroked the blonde tresses from Draco's face. She leant down and kissed his lips ever so lightly as she used to, when she wanted to wake him up, but she knew this time he would not wake.

"Pansy, let's go," Lucius calmed as he pulled her up from Draco's side, "Leave him now!"

XxX

Pansy's vision blurred further as tears fell down her cheeks rapidly. She missed him so much and had been missing him for as long as she could and cared to remember.

"I love you!" she whispered to nobody and everybody at the same time.

XxX

Pansy was pulled from Draco's side and was escorted from the school grounds. For the first couple of minutes she cried and screamed a little, but she soon calmed down knowing that there was nothing she could do to help him.

Outside the gates, Pansy clambered onto a nearby carriage and sat inside, wanting never to see a sight like that again.

When the carriage pulled up at the station, she hopped down and swapped her seat on the carriage for a seat on the steam train.

XxX

Pansy's hand shook as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She didn't want anyone to know she was crying, it was a sign of weakness for her.

She leant over the safety bar and looked out across the grounds. It was as beautiful as she remembered and there was only one person that was more beautiful than this sight and he was gone.

The wind swept her hair as she climbed over the railing. She braced herself for the fall from the tower. Suddenly the ghost of someone's arms wrapped around her waist , as she tried to forget about the past.

"Pansy," the familiar voice whispered, "Pansy, please don't do this!"

"My mind never stops torturing me!" Pansy shouted as she edged further towards the edge, but the arms pulled her back again.

After 5 minutes of pushing away and being pulled back, Pansy gave up and turned to climb back over the barrier when her eyes locked onto the icy grey ones that were looking down onto her.

"No... No it can't be.... you're supposed to be dead!" She squealed.

"Come back over the barrier and we'll talk," Draco told her... yes, Draco Malfoy had come back to her.

Pansy climbed tentatively back over the barrier again and sat on it, whilst Draco supported her by the waist. "Is it really you?" she asked, trailing a hand down his chiselled chest lightly, afraid he would crumble into dust under her touch.

"Of course it's me Pansy!" Draco whispered, "You didn't think I'd leave you did you?"

"But it's not possible.... You're dead... I saw you with my own two eyes, lying there as cold as ice!" Pansy cried, close to tears once more,

"Pansy... please don't,"

"If it's really you, let me do one thing!" Pansy told him, one hand loosening his shirt buttons. It fell to the floor and the scars on Draco's chest made it evident he was really there.

"I told you it was me didn't I?" Draco said, running a hand through her hair,

"But.... But I thought... Oh my god Draco!" Pansy squealed as she flung her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. She had never thought she would see him again. Suddenly something hit her like a bullet to her heart. "Why did you lie to me? You let me believe you were dead for 8 months... WHY THE HELL DID YOU LIE TO ME?"

"I'm sorry but my father made me swear not to tell you Pansy... I wanted to tell you I honestly did!"

"And since when did your father rule your life?"

"Since he realised that if I do something stupid I could die again... then who would be the dark lord's air?"

Pansy stared at Draco. He had told her so many things when they were at school together, but never anything like this.

"You... you aren't... but you told me you wouldn't join them Draco! Don't you care about anything you say... anyone who loves you?"

"But I do care Pansy... I really do care! I told my father to take his stupid death eaters and forget it... but he told me I had no choice!"

"Forget about your bloody father and think about me for a change Draco!" Pansy screamed as she moved away from him.

"Pansy listen to me," Draco said sternly, but his voice was shaky, "I love you will all my heart but if my father said...."

"Here we go with your father ruining your life!"

"JUST LISTEN TO ME!" Draco shouted angrily at her, scaring Pansy half to death. He never shouted at her. When he calmed down he whispered, "I didn't mean t shout Pansy, I honestly didn't mean to!"

Pansy didn't bother to reply... deciding only to leave him alone on the tower, whispering up her breath "I wish you had died that day!"


	2. Chapter 2

After fleeing from the tower, Pansy found it extremely hard to keep her thoughts from wandering back to Draco. She had seen him in the flesh, so close to her and so warm, nearly a year after his supposed death.

She continued to walk, without a care in the world, out of the castle and down towards the lake. She sat down on the bank and dipped her porcelain looking hand into the icy water. She was the perfect example of the broken hearted woman. She allowed the sensation of the water moving between her fingers to soften her for a moment, making her feel as though she was right to feel unhappy, until she felt her hand going numb and she had to remove it from it's surroundings.

Pansy stood up and turned to walk back the way she had come, choosing this time t not go back to the castle but to leave the school and her unhappy memories. She would go to a place that she had called home during her school holidays and where she would find answers to questions that were running around in here head... Malfoy Manor.

She got to the rusty iron gate and attempted to prise it open. It was stiff and covered in a sticky red substance. She did not want to believe it was blood, but somehow she knew it was. She managed to pull it open and step through without getting too much blood on her hands. She looked back at the school and sighed. She did not want to leave, but knew that it was for the best.

She walked away from the school, climbing up steep hills and running down the other side of them, until she was at a safe distance from Hogwarts to apparate. Pansy continued to walk, for what seemed like forever, when she found the perfect spot. She stopped and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and imagined Malfoy Manor. The world span around her as Pansy was transported Wiltshire, in the south west of England.

XxX

The last time Pansy had visited Malfoy Manor, was for Draco's 17th birthday. She had arrived full of joy and happiness that day, but today she was feeling the complete opposite.

She approached the front door and rang the doorbell. She waited for a couple of minutes before the door creaked open to reveal Draco's mother, Narcissa Malfoy. She looked different from the last time Pansy had seen her. Her hair was messy and untamed, which was something that no one would ever see from Narcissa, and she was blushing massively.

"Miss Parkinson!" Narcissa smiled, casting a look over her shoulder, "I'm afraid this isn't really a good time... I mean, you've just caught us in the middle of something. Can we help you though?"

"Yes... I just wanted to tell you that Draco's still alive!" Pansy told Narcissa, "But of course you knew that didn't you, and your husband told Draco not to tell me... no, he didn't tell him not to tell me, he ordered your son not to!"

Narcissa looked into Pansy's eyes and sighed, "I'm sorry Pansy, but can we talk about this later?" Narcissa began to close the door, but Pansy stuck a hand out to push the door open and step inside.

"I need to know the truth Mrs. Malfoy... I need to know why your son was told not to tell me he was alive!" Pansy said as she walked into the large entrance hall. She sat on the stairs and looked at Narcissa, expecting a rather good excuse.

"Well..." Narcissa began, before a voice shouted from up the stairs and to the left, "'Cissa! Come back to bed!"

Pansy smiled a weak smile before saying, "I think I should leave you to it!" She stood up and curtsied before making her way out of the house.

XxX

When Pansy was outside she began to laugh. She knew that Narcissa and Lucius had probably doing what they were and she had interrupted them.

She walked around the grounds of the manor, thinking. Pansy did a lot of thinking, but never let anyone know that she did. She didn't want to be thought of as the Slytherin Granger, but she did admire the Gryffindors brains.

She was thinking of reasons why she had ever fallen in love with Draco. First of all, she thought it was his money and his power. However after 5 minutes of walking she had come up with a list of ideas, but she then settled on the idea that she had fallen for him because she thought she could change him. This was not the truth... no one could change the stubborn child.

She came back around to the front of the house and made her way to the front gates, but as she got closer, she saw Draco coming towards her and the house. She tried to hide, but it was no use and Draco still saw her.


End file.
